


bartender

by kleine_waldfee



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Injury, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Running Away, Violence, if youre one of the 5 people reading this pls dont hate me lol, it's not very graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleine_waldfee/pseuds/kleine_waldfee
Summary: With gentle hands, Seonghwa cupped Yeosang's cheek in the faint moonlight and pressed their lips together, slow and sweet. The thought that this is what had gotten him in this situation in the first place almost made Yeosang laugh. Fate was incredibly ironic.
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	bartender

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspiration: bartender by lana del rey

In the dead of the night Yeosang walked beside the road. Despite the humid summer slowly fading away it wasn't particularly cold outside, but Yeosang felt like ice was running through his veins nonetheless. 

When a car approached after he had been walking long enough for his feet to hurt, he held out a shaking hand, thumb pointing upwards. Yeosang had no idea what possessed people to pull over for strangers, but he was glad this one did. When the truck came to a halt next to him, he opened the door and got inside, muttering thanks in lieu of greeting. He vaguely registered that the driver was an older guy and that the inside of the vehicle smelled of cigarettes. 

"Where are you headed, kid?" The guy asked. 

Yeosang couldn't hear the answer that came out of his own mouth, the ringing in his ears and his mind were too loud. He was sure he sounded unhinged or deranged or whatever people who didn't sound normal sounded like. He thought he must sound artificial.

The driver of the truck didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, though, if his lack of suspicious questions was anything to go by. He grunted before replying, "Looks like this is your lucky day, I'm actually driving through that town."

Maybe, Yeosang thought, he would be luckier if this guy happened to be a serial killer. Then it would be over for good and he'd never have to waste a single thought on this messed up day again.

His head hit the window, tired and heavy. Yeosang closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep so that he didn't have to make small talk if this guy happened to suddenly change his mind about making conversation. He mentally counted the vibrations the holes in the road sent through the truck to distract himself.

*

Countless road holes later, the man stopped the car and awkwardly shook Yeosang's shoulder. "We're here."

Yeosang opened his eyes and instinctively said "thank you" like any other well-mannered, normal person would do and got out of the car. He waited until the guy had driven off before he started walking. He passed the bigger houses on the outskirts of the town until the streets gained familiarity. 

When he arrived at the pub, he took a deep breath before he made his way inside. In the parking lot there was a drunk couple making out hungrily. Ducking his head, Yeosang pushed the door open to reveal the place he had been looking for. Or rather, the person he was looking for. 

Seonghwa was standing behind the bar, mixing drinks for two middle-aged woman sitting on the bar stools. He shot them a pained smile. They were probably trying to flirt with him. On any other day, Yeosang would have been amused.

Most of the guests came in groups, so they preferred to occupy the tables, which is why Yeosang didn't have to wait for a free spot in front of the bar. He quietly sat down on the stool on the far left side. Far away from the women who were now giggling happily into their drinks. It didn't take long until Seonghwa was in front of him, regarding him with obvious question marks in his eyes as he asked, "What can I do for you?"

Yeosang finally heard himself when he replied. "Can I get a coke?" He sounded flat, voice not even becoming higher towards the end of his sentence to signal the question.

Seonghwa simply nodded, clearly worried if Yeosang considered the way his lips morphed into a straight line. He poured Yeosang a coke and disappeared into the kitchen for a second before he re-appeared again, going back to work and serving a group of rowdy guys. 

Yeosang was mindlessly watching a drop of water roll down the side of his glass before him when he was pulled out of his mind by a plate of fries and some fried chicken being placed in front of him. 

He looked up and was faced with Seonghwa's stubborn expression. "I didn't order that," Yeosang offered when Seonghwa didn't say anything. 

"It's on the house," Seonghwa replied easily. Before Yeosang could even think about protesting, he added, "Yeosang, I have no idea what's going on, but you look like you're going to pass out. Please just try to eat something." Seonghwa's pointer finger subtly brushed the back of Yeosang's fingers, which were wrapped around the glass with its sugary, bubbly contents. "We'll talk about this later."

And then he was gone again and Yeosang stared the food down with a grimace he couldn't conceal. For a brief moment he considered drowning his fries in ketchup like he usually would, but then he remembered all the blood and couldn't bring himself to do it. He managed to eat a handful of the fries and some of the chicken before he felt like he was going to be sick and pushed the plate away. 

As he continued sipping on his coke, the people around him left until only he was left and Seonghwa was locking the place up. 

A hand landed on Yeosang's back and he heard Seonghwa speak. "Come on, let's go upstairs." Nodding, Yeosang slid off the stool and followed Seonghwa out of the back door, which Seonghwa also locked, before they climbed the stairs to the apartment above the pub. 

Immediately, Seonghwa pulled off his shirt on his way to the bathroom, unbuckling his belt next. "I'll hop in the shower real quick. You should also get cleaned up." When Yeosang didn't reply, Seonghwa popped his head back out of the bathroom door and said, "Yeosang. There's literally dried blood on you. Come here."

Yeosang looked down. Funny how he hadn't even noticed that. It wasn't much and could probably be mistaken for food stains, but there were indeed some sprinkles of blood on his shirt. He felt like he was on auto-pilot when he walked into the bathroom and got out of his clothes. 

Under the spray of warm water, Yeosang finally hugged Seonghwa and clung to him as his emotions caught up with him. Seonghwa ran a hand through Yeosang's wet hair and kissed his forehead. "Why don't you let me wash your hair for you and you can tell me what happened?" he asked cautiously, so Yeosang turned around to give Seonghwa better access to his hair. 

Saying it aloud would make it real, Yeosang feared, but Seonghwa deserved to know. So Yeosang spilled. "I had a fight with my father when he came home from work. Apparently some colleague of his has seen me kissing a boy a few towns over. He said some things and then he started hitting me."

Yeosang didn't tell Seonghwa about the rage and bloodlust he had seen in his father's eyes, but he didn't have to. Calmly, Seonghwa ran a hand over the taut muscles of Yeosang's shoulders and waited for him to continue.

"I don't know how I did it, but I managed to push him away and he fell. Seonghwa, he... He hit his head on the living room table. There was blood. A lot of it." Yeosang turned to face his love. "I made an emergency call, but I don't know whether it was just a laceration or whether he's going to — whether he might already be..." He swallowed. "I ran away. Do you think I'm a bad person now?"

It was evident that Seonghwa tried not to sound too worried when he replied, "No, Yeosang, no. You just defended yourself. You even called an ambulance... That's the exact opposite of what a bad person would do." He took a step back and gave Yeosang a once-over. "Are you injured?" 

All Seonghwa could see were some bruises, fortunately nothing too worrisome. Yeosang shook his head. 

"Hey," Seonghwa said soothingly and pulled Yeosang into a hug, "I'm glad you're okay."

They stood under the warm spray of water and if Seonghwa noticed the tears falling onto his shoulder and the shudders running through Yeosang's body, he didn't say anything. Just kept running his hands down Yeosang's back and through his hair reassuringly until he decided that they've been in the shower long enough and wrapped both of them up in cozy towels.

After Seonghwa had given Yeosang clothes to sleep in, they got into bed. The younger cuddled closer as Seonghwa embraced him. "I can't stay here," Yeosang whispered into his chest.

"What do you mean?" Seonghwa whispered back.

"My dad's a cop. If he's still alive, do you think he would tell the truth? Nobody would believe me. And if he's not... I'm sure it doesn't look so great for me either."

For a while, Seonghwa didn't speak and Yeosang already thought he had gone to sleep, but then he sighed deeply and said, "We'll figure something out. Try to sleep for now, alright?"

Yeosang nodded even though he was certain he wouldn't be able to find peace tonight. He kept seeing that fateful moment again and again, in slow motion. He couldn't remember anything that happened afterwards clearly, but that moment had burned itself into his brain. It was going to sit there forever, unerasable. 

He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to focus on Seonghwa's breathing that had evened out. The arm around him was lax and added a comfortable weight to him, but Yeosang could still feel the blood in his veins freeze every time the images flashed behind his eyes.

Yeosang wasn't sure how much time had passed, but when Seonghwa woke up due to Yeosang's restless movements it was still dark in the room. "You can't sleep?" Seonghwa murmured. He didn't sound annoyed despite having been woken, just worried. For a split second, Yeosang wondered why his father had been so upset upon learning that his son loved another man. Seonghwa cared about him like no one else ever could and that couldn't have been wrong.

"Go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you," Yeosang whispered. 

Apparently Seonghwa didn't plan on ignoring this and getting the rest he deserved. "It doesn't matter. Tell me what's wrong?" he prompted.

"I can't stop thinking about it. And I feel so cold," Yeosang offered as his explanation. Immediately, Seonghwa pulled the blankets tighter around the two and cuddled closer to Yeosang, who couldn't hold back a heartless chuckle. "I don't mean physically."

Seonghwa seemed helpless when he asked, "What can I do?"

Drawing a shaky breath, Yeosang thought about the question. He needed a distraction and he wanted to come alive. "Kiss me," he whispered decidedly. 

With gentle hands, Seonghwa cupped Yeosang's cheek in the faint moonlight and pressed their lips together, slow and sweet. The thought that this is what had gotten him in this situation in the first place almost made Yeosang laugh. Fate was incredibly ironic. 

Yeosang tangled his hands in the hair at the back of Seonghwa's head and tilted his chin to deepen the kiss. He wanted nothing more than to forget the consequences of what he had done for a while and this was the perfect way to do it. 

Under Seonghwa's touch he always felt ablaze. The cold inside of his heart began melting away. One of his hands started wandering down Seonghwa's back. "Please," Yeosang gasped when they broke apart. He hoped the way he clung to Seonghwa would communicate his need for closeness — for normality. "Love me."

Seonghwa's body settled on top of his like a blanket of comfort.

*

"I'm glad this worked out so fast," Seonghwa said with a smile on his face as he looked at the elderly woman in front of him. He had just handed her a good amount of money that he had stashed away at the back of his sock drawer just in case. 

After the woman was done counting, she made a satisfied noise and handed Seonghwa the keys. "I'm just happy someone is willing to buy this thing. Works perfectly, but young people nowadays prefer their cars new and shiny."

Seonghwa kept the smile on his face as he politely thanked her again and got into the vehicle to drive it back to his place. It was evening, the sun having begun to set. Yeosang would leave in the safety of the darkness. 

When Seonghwa arrived, Yeosang was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. The bag filled with clothes and some other necessities he got from Seonghwa was sitting next to his feet on the wooden floor. 

Sitting down next to Yeosang, Seonghwa said, "I got the car. Everything's ready."

Yeosang looked up. He looked guilty. "You're doing all this for me and I... I have no idea how I'll ever be able to repay you."

Heart aching, Seonghwa reached out to tuck some stray hair behind Yeosang's ear. "Stay safe. Take care of yourself. Be careful. That's all I could ever ask for, Yeosang. I don't care for materialistic things as long as you are fine."

Looking close to tears, Yeosang asked, "But what about everything else? You shouldn't have to leave everything behind just because of me."

"The bar, this town, they don't mean anything if I can't have you by my side." Seonghwa stated seriously. Desperate to make Yeosang understand, he added, "You should know by now that I'd follow you even if you were to drive off a cliff."

Yeosang said nothing before he kissed Seonghwa goodbye. In an alternate universe, he mused, both of them would have wept.

Before Yeosang walked out the door, Seonghwa called, "You remember where to wait for me?"

Yeosang gave Seonghwa one last, longing look. "I could never forget." 

The promise and the sound of the door falling closed behind him echoed in Seonghwa's aching soul.


End file.
